Sometimes it is hard to explain this feeling.
Nothing particularly unusual seems to have happened. Life goes on, people close to you are around, and there are familiar tasks and responsibilities. Yet an unpleasant thought keeps returning:
“Maybe something is wrong with me.”
Other people seem to cope, but I struggle. Other people know what they want, but I don’t. Other people are happy with what they have, but somehow it is not enough for me.
Gradually, ordinary doubts turn into a question about who we are.
Where does this feeling come from?
It rarely appears out of nowhere.
More often, over many years, we get used to measuring ourselves against an idea of what our life is supposed to look like.
By the time we reach 40, there may be many invisible “shoulds.”
I should be satisfied with what I have. I should appreciate my family. I should have succeeded professionally. I should know what I want next. I should be stronger, calmer, wiser.
When our real inner experience does not match this picture, it is easy to conclude that we are the problem.
But perhaps there is another way to ask the question.
Not “What is wrong with me?” but “Why has the life that once suited me started to feel too small?”
We change, but our idea of ourselves stays the same
Some things suited us ten or twenty years ago.
Our work, relationships, daily rhythm, goals, and ideas about success. At one time, all of these may genuinely have been right for us.
But people change.
What once inspired us may no longer bring joy. What once seemed important may gradually lose its meaning. What we used to work hard for and make sacrifices for may no longer feel so valuable.
This is where an inner conflict can arise.
The old life is still there, but the person we used to be no longer quite fits inside it.
Instead of noticing these changes, we often start trying to fix ourselves.
“Why can’t I just be content?”
Women ask themselves this question quite often.
Especially when their lives look good from the outside.
Then dissatisfaction can feel almost like ingratitude. Objectively, everything is fine. So we tell ourselves to stop complaining, pull ourselves together, and learn to appreciate what we have.
But feelings do not readily obey the word “should.”
You can tell yourself that everything is fine and still feel that something important inside you has changed.
These two experiences can exist at the same time.
You can be grateful for your life and still recognise that you no longer want to live it in exactly the same way.
Sometimes the problem is not us, but the old rules
We rarely revisit the rules we live by.
At some point, we decided that we had to be strong. That we must not let others down. That good mothers behave in a particular way. That responsibilities must come first and our own needs later.
Over time, we stop noticing these rules. They become part of everyday life.
But one day, some of them begin to cause more pain than benefit.
That is when the feeling of being somehow wrong may appear.
I am struggling—so I must be weak.
I want something different—so I must be ungrateful.
I am tired of caring for everyone—so I must be selfish.
Yet sometimes something else is happening: we can no longer live by rules we once accepted as the only possible way.
You do not have to know what you want straight away
During periods like this, we often want a quick answer.
All right, my old life no longer suits me. So what kind of life would suit me?
But this is where we can start demanding too much of ourselves all over again.
You do not always need to know immediately where you are going.
In the Antigoal method, we start somewhere else. Rather than trying to build a perfect picture of the future right away, we look at the present and ask:
“What in my life do I no longer want to continue doing the way I used to?”
Sometimes this question is much easier to answer.
I do not yet know what I want from the next ten years. But I know I no longer want to live in constant tension.
I do not know what job I want. But I understand that I no longer want to force myself every morning to go somewhere that has long stopped engaging me.
I do not know what my new life should look like. But I know there needs to be more room for me in it.
That is already enough to begin moving.
In closing
The thought “Something is wrong with me” often sends us searching for a flaw we need to fix.
But sometimes a different process is taking place.
Old reference points stop working. Familiar rules become restrictive. What once suited us no longer does.
And perhaps, at this point, the most important thing is not to try to become who we used to be again.
Instead, after a long time, we can ask ourselves:
“What has changed in me?”
Sometimes this is where the journey back to ourselves begins.